she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
