I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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