You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
