And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
