god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
