Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it because I queefed?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
