my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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