You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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