Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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