My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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