The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
