let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
