She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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