I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
