My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
high people should be assigned attendants
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
