I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
