i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
