She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize