It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my sisters under your porch take her home
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
