what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
