Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
