For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
