Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
