fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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