I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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