farters have to be the big spoon...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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