My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
