If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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