I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
