we made out on top of his cat.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
