ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
