you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
