Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
two words: eviction party
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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