i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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