haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
