So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
