Got a toothbrush?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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