so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
