Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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