oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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