I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
