i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
