Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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