Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
