There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize