You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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