like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Enjoy the penises
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
