True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
