dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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