how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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