I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
