I accidentally had phone sex last night
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
