You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
