I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
