is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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