i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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