The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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