Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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