I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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