If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize