why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
