currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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