This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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