I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
