I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
