His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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