YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
