i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
