i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize