Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
