Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
